Tell Someone You Love Within: You Love Them

    In a class I teach for adults, I recently did the “unpardonable.” I gave the class homework! The assignment was to “go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them.It has to be someone you have never said those words to before or at least haven't shared those words with for a long time.” Now that doesn't sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men were over 35 and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho.”Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done.So this was a very threatening assignment for some.

　　At the beginning of our next class,I asked if someone wanted to share what happened when they told someone they loved them.I fully expected one of the women to volunteer, as was usually the case,but on this evening one of the men raised his hand.He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken. As he unfolded out of his chair(all 6 2" of him),he began by saying, "Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment.I didn't feel that I had anyone to say those words to, and besides,　who were you to tell me to do something that personal? But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me.It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say I love you to."

　　"You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious disagreement and really never resolved it since that time.We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings.But even then, we hardly spoke to each other. So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.It’s weird, but just making that decision seemed to lift a heavy load off my chest.''

　　''When I got home, I rushed into the house to tell my wife what I was going to do. She was already in bed, but I woke her up anyway. When I told her, she didn’t just get out of bed, she catapulted out and hugged me, and for the first time in our married life she saw me cry. We stayed up half the night drinking coffee and talking. It was great!"

　　“The next morning I was up bright and early. I was so excited I could hardly sleep. I got to the office early and accomplished more in two hours than I had the whole day before."

　　“At 9:00 I called my dad to see if could come over after work. When he answered the phone, I just said, ‘Dad, can I come over after work tonight? I have something to tell you.’ My dad responded with a grumpy, ‘Now what?’ I assured him it wouldn’t take long, so he finally agreed.

　 　“At 5:30, I was at my parents’ house ringing the doorbell, praying that Dad would answer the door. I was afraid if Mom answered that I would chicken out and tell her instead. But as luck would have it, Dad did answer the door."

　　“I didn’t waste any time – I took one step in the door and said, ‘Dad, I just came over to tell you that I love you.’

　 　“It was as if a transformation came over my dad. Before my eyes his face softened, the wrinkles seemed to disappear and he began to cry. He reached out and hugged me and said, ‘I love you too, son, but I’ve never been able to say it.’

　　“It was such a precious moment I didn’t want to move. Mom walked by with tears in her eyes. I just waved and blew her a kiss. Dad and I hugged for a moment longer and then I left. I hadn’t felt that great in a long time.

　 　“But that’s not even my point. Two days after that visit, my dad, who had heart problems, but didn’t tell me, had an attack and ended up in the hospital, unconscious. I don’t know if he'll make it. 

　 　“So my message to all of you in this is: Don’t wait to do the things you know need to be done. What if I had waited to tell my dad – maybe I will never get the chance again! Take the time to do what you need to do and do it now!”

    【中文译文】：

　 　最近在我执教的一个成人班级里，我干了一件“不可饶恕的”事情。我居然给班上的学生布置了一份家庭作业！任务是“下周之内要走到你所爱的人面前，告诉他 们你爱他。 此人必须是一位此前你从未对之说过此话的对象，或至少很久没有与他们交流过这些爱意盎然的话语了。” 听起来这不像是一份苛刻的任务，直到你意识到这个班里多数男生已年逾35岁。何况在他们成长的那个年代，他们受到的是这样的灌输：流露情感没有“阳刚之 气”。 人们不会轻易流露情感和哭泣(老天也不允！)。因此对某些人来说，这是一项令人生畏的任务。

　　第二 次上课一开始，我就问：当你告诉别人你爱他/她时，结果怎样？有没有人愿意讲一讲？ 我满心指望像平常一样，某位女士能自告奋勇，但是这天晚上，一位男士举起了手。他看上去很受感动的样子，还有一点颤抖。当他从座椅上直起身来时(他身高6 英尺2英寸)， 他这样说道：“丹尼斯，上周你给我们布置任务时，我很生你的气。我认为我没有什么人需要我说那些话，而且，你是谁？凭什么让我们去干这种涉及隐私的事？ “但我驱车回家时，我的良知开始与我对话。 它告诉我，我确实知道需要向谁说‘我爱你'这句话。

　　“你瞧，5年 前，我与父亲发生了激烈的争执，而且从此再也没有消除隔阂。我们互相回避，除非绝对必须出席圣诞节聚会或其他的家庭聚会。但甚至在那些场合，我们彼此几乎 也不说一句话。“因此，上周二到家时，我确信自己做得不对，打算告诉父亲我爱他。“这事儿有点怪怪的，但就是这个决定似乎搬走了一块压在我胸口的重石。

　　到家的时候，我冲进屋里，想告诉妻子我的打算。当时她已经上床睡了，但我无论如何还是叫醒了她。我如此这般告诉她，她不单是起了床，简直就是跳起来拥抱我，婚后第一次她目睹了我哭泣的样子。那一夜我们品着咖啡说着话一直聊到半夜。这感觉真棒！

　　“第二天一大清早我就起了床。我激动得睡不着觉，提前到办公室上班，两个小时之内就干完了比以前干一整天还要多的活。

　　“在九点的时候我打电话给父亲问问能不能下班后去看他，当他接电话的时候，我只是说：‘老爸，今晚上下班后我能到你哪儿去吗？我有事跟你说。’父亲不耐烦的应答：‘什么事？’我向他保证花不了多长时间，最终他同意了。

　　“五点半，我就来到父母家摁响了门铃。我暗自祷告老爸会应声开门。害怕如果应声开门的是母亲，我会因胆怯而对她说出那几个字。终归我的运气好，老爸应声来到门口。

　　“我抓紧时间———我一脚跨进门槛说：‘老爸，我来就是为了特地告诉你一声我爱你。’

　　“听了这话，老爸似乎前后判若两人。只见他脸变得柔和起来，连皱纹似乎也消失了，他泣不成声。他伸出手拥抱我说：‘儿子，我也爱你，但这话以前我从来没能说出口。’

　　“这一刻如此宝贵以至于我不想挪动半步。妈妈双眼含泪走过来，我只挥了挥手，给了她一个飞吻。我和父亲又相拥片刻，然后我离开了。许久以来，我都没有过那么棒的感觉了。

　　“但这并不是我说这些的目的。那次上门之后过了两天，我的父亲———他患有心脏病，但没有告诉我———突发心肌梗塞，结果被送往医院，昏迷不醒。我不知他是否能挺过去。

　　“所以我要忠告全班同学的是：如果你知道有些事情需要做的话，千万不要等。要是我等到以后再对父亲说‘我爱你’那句话会怎么样呢———也许我永远没有机会了！抓紧时间去干你需要干的事情，现在就行动！” 

    注：这 也是很久的一个故事了。有人说真理总蕴含在最平淡和简约之间，对我们中国人来说，爱在不言中，做力所能及的事，给予爱人所有的关怀，这都是我们最擅长的。 只是有时候，肯定的话语，赞赏的眼光，爱的表达，也会让人热泪盈眶的，可我们明明知道，却总是吝于这几个字，或为羞涩，或为不重视，或自以为是的借口不需 要。说话是大多数人的本能，喜欢赞美在某种程度上也是人的本能，遵循本能，说出爱，给予爱，真的有我们想象的那么难吗？更何况爱本身，就是对一个人最大的 赞美吧！人有旦夕祸福，在大灾面前，这还真不是一句空话，珍惜眼前人，千万不要在物是人非时，兀自徘徊，徒留伤感。